Story: The "What Doesn't Suck" Journal

This journal is dear to me because it is the one that began my love and intrigue for journaling.

The entire reason I started journaling was to keep me from sinking into a place where I believed everything in life was bad.

I started really getting into journaling in 2021. I decided I would have a gratitude journal but, I felt too down for gratitude to be accessible so I started with a "what doesn't suck" approach.

I would journal about decent weather, acceptable traffic on my commute to work, and anything else that failed my "do you suck?" test.

This journal taught me what gratitude was.

I used to think of gratitude quite mechanically. It's appreciation, I thought. A very simple, intellectualize view.

Today, gratitude I see gratitude as a spiritual disposition. it is beneath my skin, muscle, organs, and bones.

What I see gratitude as and how I was taught:

What doesn't suck:

Gratitude is a way of being. I realize how frou-frou that sounds but it really is. Is the dress blue and black or is it white and gold? Do you hear Yanny or Laurel? As automatic as these are, gratitude is too, it's just how you see things.

It's not a dicotomy (half-full vs half-empty). It's

Holy shit, I have a glass.

Sometimes it's going to be full. Sometime's it's going to be empty. I also have tons of glasses. I have my everyday simple pleasures glass, my family glass, my self glass, my hobby glass, my career glass... It's not all one, life is made up of multiple categories. I have lots of glasses and full or not , I can see them. I don't judge them by how much liquid is in them. They're fine, I'm fine. My glasses don't define me, I don't define them.

Rather than it being something to express or show, it is something that I have. It is carried, embedded, a belief system, something I have unquestioning faith in.

Gratitude functions more like a realization or a noticing and less like something I have to work to see. It is automatic.

Gratitude lives within:

Romanticizing life,

taking things for granted,

luck,

traits you've been given (e.g. creativity).

Appreciating the life you've cultivated,

hobbies,

a bed to sleep in,

employment,

progression,

care for your health,

and so much more.

Gratitude is a dimension that can be lived in.