Granted

I have things I don't deserve.

I did not earn life, I did not earn air.

I did not earn a childhood with Light-Brites, Sailor Moon, a goofy dad, a warm mom, an energetic sibling, aloof or afraid cats, a

family with farm land, hearing trains go by,

cows, hearing a horse breath when you feed it and it letting you pet its nose.

I wonder how that horse felt about a little child looking at it with fear, comfort, amazement and caution. Did it see me as a child?

I didn't earn my friendships, I was placed at the right place at the right time to meet the right people.

I didn't earn my intellect,

my interests that would lead me to doing things that I love.

I didn't earn the tastes of my favorite food,

the deepest laughs that I would share with a culture,

I didn't even earn the privilege to become aware of this.

I didn't earn my skills, my job,

language, communication,

sex, coffee,

the love of cats,

the affection of dogs,

feeling the presence of a houseplant.

I didn't earn the sense of admiration I have when I lookin the mirror,

I didn't do anything to earn the privilege of thinking I'm beautiful

I didn't earn the taste of tomatoes, not their accessibility,

I didn't earn access to food I like,

I didn't earn their simplicity.

I didn't earn butterflies,

I didn't earn kisses from them.

I didn't earn pregnancy and the knowing of what it is to look at a child and see a person immerging into the world, joining all the rest of us in all our silliness.

I didn't earn smiles from people,

I didn't do anything to witness that or share that.

I didn't do shit.

All of this is just here, it was all just given to me, it was

unfortunately,

granted.

I didn't earn it, its not mine,

and I'll never do anything to ever feel I've earned it.

And that's what knowing what love is, this feeling.

I didn't do shit, and I'm never going to do shit that warrants me receiving this.

And I can't do anything about it.

And I'm not being asked to.